Some of the most hysterical and /or frustrating things about my relationship with my husband, and with other men in my life, is talking to them, and suddenly realizing they haven’t the foggiest idea what I’m saying. I try to explain something, over-explain it actually, and watch a glazed-over look descend slowly over my husband’s face until the attentive man that he is, is replaced by a guy looking at me and wondering if there is a Pawn Stars marathon on his TV menu today.
One of my favorite scenes in my new Contemporary Romance, Red, White & Screwed, is between our heroine, Glenda, and her boss, Melvin, while they discuss a visit from the wife of a disgraced colleague. A few scenes/days prior, while telling Melvin she’d be missing a meeting, she’s too embarrassed to tell him she’s going to see a psychiatrist, so she tells him she’s going to be late because she’s going to the gynecologist, which he refers to as the ‘lady doctor.’
Melvin was waiting at the door of our office for me.
“Glenda,” he said as soon as I was inside. “Is there something the matter with you?”
“No more than usual, Melvin. Why?”
“I was looking for you, and Meg told me you were at the lady doctor’s. Weren’t you just there?”
I looked at Melvin and had a short, silent debate with myself. “I’m having some additional tests run. The doctor thinks it’s nothing, but she’s very thorough. What do you need?”
“Trixie Marshall’s in your office waiting to see you.”
“She wants to talk to you.”
Trixie Marshall’s very public humiliation at the hands of our golden boy candidate could have made her a sad, weepy mess. Or it could have made her bitter. I searched Melvin’s eyes. He looked as worried as I felt. “I’ve got to be real careful, don’t I?”
“I don’t know if she’s looking for a woman to talk to or digging for information. She could be pitiful, or she could be spiteful. We don’t know how she took the news.”
“How’s she look?”
“That could go either way.”
“Yeah.” Melvin nodded toward my office door. “I’m wondering if she’s wearing a wire.”
“A wire? You’ve been watching too many reruns of Law and Order.”
“Joe Jensen lives down the street from them. He could swear he saw Brad Collingsworth going into the house.”
“If that’s true, we are screwed,” I said. “Major league screwed.”
“Collingsworth could get details out of her. He could talk her into being the new
Republican poster child. She could say we knew about the affair all along and never told her. This could be bad.”
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”
“I just found out. That’s why I asked Meg where you were.”
I looked up at Melvin and suddenly felt guilty for lying. “I wasn’t at the gynecologist, Melvin. I’m seeing a shrink.”
“You got to see a psychiatrist ‘cause you had to go to the lady doctor?”
“No, Melvin. I never went to the gynecologist. I just didn’t want to tell you I was going to a shrink, that’s all.”
“Then why is she running more tests?”
“She’s not Melvin. I never went to the women’s doctor.”
“I didn’t know shrinks ran tests. I thought you just lay down on a couch and blamed your mother.”
“Actually, I blamed you.”
This was a classic example of the difference between men and women. Nothing I was saying was computing in Melvin’s brain. There was just too much information. And I felt an obligation to explain stuff he just didn’t give a crap about.
Glenda’s reminded of a movie star the first time she meets our hero, Chris. Name the movie star! The answer is here.
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