The Saga of the Desk by Alyssa Alexander

posted in: Alyssa Alexander, Humor | 9

Some of you may follow me on Facebook. If so, you might, maybe, probably have seen pictures of my desk.

Or, rather, my lack of desk.

See, what happened was…

I was gifted with the opportunity to take two afternoons a week off to write. This is a BIG DEAL. I have spent the last eight years (post childbirth) writing at strange times such as 3 am, while I held a baby I couldn’t put down. Or 11 pm, after the child has finally gone to bed, laundry is done, lunches are made. Or 4:45 am before I went to work (which, I wasn’t really writing. I was mostly sleeping sitting up while writing jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj because my hands were still on the keyboard).

Two afternoons a week to write, while AWAKE AND COHERENT, is amazing.

But my home office is, well. Let’s just say, you know that room where you shove everything when people come over and you’re trying to pretend you’re not a slob? Yeah. My home office is that room. Because, you know, the door can be closed and I can say “Oh, that’s my personal writing space. I don’t open that door to anyone.” Adds to the author mystique, right?

In truth, if someone opened the door to that room, it would look like an explosion went off. You might find everything from cat toys, dead plants I forgot to water, every romance novel I’ve ever read and pictures of Jamie Fraser—not to mention crayon drawings my child won’t let me throw away, book swag, bills, and a ceramic frog that is supposed to hold kitchen scrubbies but has been repurposed for a door stop. (You know, in case I ever open the door. Which I don’t.)

Since I am now going to actually use my home office for writerly things on a regular basis (I typically write on my laptop because I can’t find my desktop), I decided it was time to get rid of the desk I’ve hated for a decade, buy myself one I liked, and clean up the space.

By the way, my old desk was glass and chrome, and had no drawers. What kind of a desk has no drawers? Where do you hide all your junk when you’re pretending to be organized?

So I shopped online for awhile, and then discovered an online office supply store was having a summer half-price office furniture sale. Awesome, right? So I buy it online and have it shipped.

Mr. A: So, did you buy that desk unseen?

Me: Yep.

Mr. A: How big is it?

Me: Dunno.

Mr. A: What kind of wood it is?

Me: Dunno. But it has drawers.

Mr. A: Huh.

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It arrived, and the box was ginormous. I mean, really, really GINORMOUS. Mr. A wasn’t home, so I heaved, pushed and sweated that thing into my office.

 

 

 

 

And the rest is on Facebook…

 

August 24, morning:

 

Questions that frighten Mr. A:

Do we have a crow bar?
If I were a razor blade, where would I be?
Do we have wood glue?

(No, I didn’t get my new desk put together last night. It proved a bit more complicated than I expected…)

 

August 24, evening:

Tools for putting my new desk together: a screwdriver, gorilla glue, and wine.
Tools for putting my new desk together: a screwdriver, gorilla glue, and wine.

 

 

Also, according to the instructions, I'm not qualified for the job!
Also, according to the instructions, I’m not qualified for the job!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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And then this happens…

 

August 25:

Current state of my new desk. New part being ordered today!
Current state of my new desk. New part being ordered today!

 

September 5:

img_20160905_172438 img_20160905_172754Yay! Remember the desk that arrived damaged? Well, 7-10 days later, Biscuit, Scatter-Cat and I are getting ready to put my new desk together! Maybe my office will finally be usable!!!

 

10 minutes later, after a bubble wrap explosion…

You have GOT to be kidding me!
You have GOT to be kidding me!

 

September 13:

Do you know what this is? Third delivery of the leg for my desk. Please don't be broken. Please don't be broken.
Do you know what this is? Third delivery of the leg for my desk.
Please don’t be broken. Please don’t be broken.

 

September 14:

Sigh. My desk and office still look like this. Why? Because after three deliveries I finally have four unbroken legs on my new desk, but now the screw holes don’t line up.

THE SCREW HOLES DON’T LINE UP.

Mr. Alexander says he’s going to save me from angst tonight and put it together for me. #myhero

 

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September 15:

Voila! A desk! But now I have to put the hutch together... Send more wine.
Voila! A desk! But now I have to put the hutch together… Send more wine.

 

Now, as I write this, it is Friday night. I’m at a coffee shop with a writer friend (Darcy Woods, who is awesome!), and when I finish, we’re going out for sushi. When THAT is finished, I’m going to go home and put together the hutch of my desk.

Wish me luck, yeah? And come find me on Facebook on Saturday morning to see if I actually got it together!

Follow Alyssa Alexander:

Despite being a native Michigander, Alyssa Alexander is pretty certain she belongs somewhere sunny. And tropical. Where drinks are served with little paper umbrellas. But until she moves to those white sandy beaches, she survives the cold Michigan winters by penning romance novels that always include a bit of adventure. She lives with her own set of heroes, aka an ever-patient husband who doesn’t mind using a laundry basket for a closet, and a small boy who wears a knight in a shining armor costume for such tasks as scrubbing potatoes. Alyssa’s debut release, THE SMUGGLER WORE SILK, was awarded 4.5 Stars and Top Pick, nominated for 2014 Best First Historical by the Romantic Times and Best First Book in the Romance Writers of America RITA contest. Her second book, IN BED WITH A SPY, released in December 2014 from Berkley, and received a Starred Review from Publishers Weekly and 4.5 Stars and Top Pick from Romantic times. She has been called a “talented newcomer” and “a rising star you won’t want to miss.” You can find Alyssa at all the usual places! Please stop by and say hello! And you can always reach her by email at alyssa@alyssa-alexander.com.

9 Responses

  1. LOL The adventures of the writer’s desk. Love all the fun posts.

  2. Great fun! Hope it has all worked out and you are happily writing away on your new desk! 😊

    • Alyssa Alexander

      Almost… The hutch is proving problematic. But Mr. A is going to perform some kind carpentry magic today, so hopefully by tonight I’ll be happily clacking away on the keyboard!

  3. Diane Burton

    What an adventure, Alyssa. Now I have to go back to FB to see how the desk looks. Happy writing on your new desk!

    • Alyssa Alexander

      I love it so far, and as soon as the hutch gets on, I think I’m going to love it even more!

  4. The trials and tribulations writers go through. My desk came from Big Lots. It had some extremely sharp edges which are now duck taped to keep me from getting sliced open. Who designed that? At least it’s brown tape so doesn’t show. Hope you now have a finished product!

    Lucy

  5. Alyssa Alexander

    Isn’t that weird how the something as simple as the corners can be a problem? Watch those edges, Lucy!

  6. best wishes! beats my dining room table.

    denise