The Gentleman’s Guide to Outlander… as written by said Gentleman’s wife

FullSizeRender (3).jpgHello all!  It’s Jess.

April showers may bring May flowers, but the rainy month is also bringing season 2 of Outlander, the hit cable television interpretation of Diana Gabaldon’s best-selling book series.

Now, to say I “enjoy” Outlander would be an understatement. Nothing will ever beat the books, but the series provides me with ample entertainment as I patiently impatiently wait for Ms. Gabaldon to finish the latest in the series. I enjoy it so much that I bought the DVD’s (preordered the moment they became available). It’s something that I watch when my husband is gone and the children are asleep. Even if he were at home, Mr. J knows better than to interrupt my Outlander viewing time.

Or so I thought.

Recently, he had some downtime and asked to watch Outlander with me, the reason being I’ve watched a fair amount of The Walking Dead, and he felt inclined to reciprocate. I was a bit weary of allowing him into the proverbial inner sanctum of my obsession, but who was I to deter my husband from spending quality time with me?

We did make it through both parts of season one, but it wasn’t easy.  The first eight episodes were like unfamiliar waters that Mr. J had trouble navigating. So, like a good, supportive wife, I took note of our interactions to use in a future blog post.

So, without further ado, I present a brief guide for men watching Outlander so that they not make some of the same mistakes my well-meaning husband did.

*Please note I do not have copyright for pictures, so these will have to do

FullSizeRender (5)Claire and Frank arrive in Scotland

Mr. J: “Frank’s a decent enough guy. I like his hat.”

Me: “That man’s as dry as unbuttered toast in Phoenix. He’s not good enough for Claire.”

Lesson learned: Don’t speak. Approach Outlander with humility – observe in silence so that you might speak with wisdom later.

Claire falls through the stones

Mr. J: “How is that even possible? It defies all logic, not to mention all notion of space and time.”FullSizeRender (10)

Me:Whatever. I didn’t talk about the medical relevance of your stupid zombie show.”

Lesson learned: Diana Gabaldon doesn’t need to comply with any sort of accepted logic.  This is fiction, and the very definition lends itself to the denial of commonly accepted rules. Besides, how do you know? Have you been to Scotland – um, no.

Claire nurses Jamie

FullSizeRender (9)Mr. J: “Really? It’s like they’re just looking for a reason to take his shirt off.”

Me: “How can you say that? He’s hurt. How else can she properly assess him?”

Lesson learned: If you’re not a medical professional, I think it’s best if you don’t question Claire’s methods.  Even if you are a medical professional, it’s probably for the best if you just don’t talk.

Claire and Jamie kiss by the fire

Mr. J: “She just got there! What about her husband!”FullSizeRender (4)

Me: “She’s upset. This is how she’s coping.”

Mr. J: And seriously, where’s his shirt.  Why doesn’t this guy ever wear a shirt?”

Lesson learned: Well, I got nothing.

Dougal saves Claire from Black Jack

Mr. J: “Dougal isn’t all that bad then?”

Me: *Snort*

Lesson learned: Again. Watch, learn.  There’s a lot more books in this series, so it’s best not to jump to conclusions this early.

FullSizeRender (6)The Wedding

Mr. J: “She gets right to it, doesn’t she?”

Me: “Shhhh!”

Mr. J: “Bow chica wow wow…”

Me: “SHHH!”

Lesson learned: Don’t speak. This isn’t a basketball game, and you are not a commentator on Sports Center. There is no need for a play by play.

FullSizeRender (8)Jamie saves Claire from Black Jack

Mr. J: “Can she stay out of trouble for more than a couple episodes?”

Me: “That’s not really an accurate statement.” (silently counts how many deadly situations she finds herself in)

Mr. J: “Why doesn’t he kill him? There’s no way this guy leaves Black Jack alive after what he did to Claire.”

Me:Because then we wouldn’t have much of a plot line in the second half of the series.”

Lesson learned: Again. Watch, learn.  There’s a lot more books in this series, so it’s best not to jump to conclusions.

Follow Jessica Jefferson:

Jessica Jefferson makes her home in Almost-Chicago with her husband, nine and three year old girls, guinea pigs, and English bulldog Pete. When she's not busy trying to find middle-ground between being a modern career woman and Suzy-Homemaker, she loves to watch "Real Housewives of [insert city here]" and performing unnecessary improvements to her home and property. Jessica writes Regency-era historical romance with a modern twist, infused with humor. She always tries to create endearingly flawed heroes and one of a kind heroines that you'll want to continue knowing long after you read the last page. Fall in love with romance again...

18 Responses

  1. Victoria Vane

    OMG! I’m dying!! This was hilarious! I made hubby watch it with me too but he kept falling asleep! He hates Clare but so do I!

  2. ki pha

    LOL This is so brilliant! And again, just absolutely Adorable!!! Now Mr. J can’t complain about those figures being useless toys. =D

    • Jessica Jefferson

      As if he could complain. He collects autographed baseballs. What’s the point of those – not like you can ever use them. At least I could play with my dolls!

  3. Barbara Monajem

    Snort!! Thanks for this, Jess. I’m going to work with a big grin.

  4. hollybushbooks

    Seriously! Talking during the sex scenes? What was he thinking?

  5. allybroadfield

    This is pure awesomeness. I may have peed just a little bit.

  6. Carolyn White

    Very funny.. My husband started reading the first book but is only halfway through it and it’s been a over a year– me, I read right thru y couldn’t get enough y have read it 4 times– never gets old! Hubby got interested in tv show when saw the nudity–but I think so much is lost on him.. I ll watch Outlander, he enjoys Walking Dead.

    • Jessica Jefferson

      We are living parallel lives! I think I’m on my fourth run through the series. And yes, the promise of breasts may have tempted my husband. He will sit through it, but without having read the books I feel he’s missing huge parts. But like you said – He can have his zombies, I’ll take my men in kilts.