I’m watching the Outlander Season 3 Premiere . . . by Jessica Jefferson

Jessica Jefferson here. If you follow me, you must know that when I’m not writing, I’m probably watching TV. Or if I am writing, the TV is probably on in the background and I’m distracted. Finally, the Droughtlander is over. I spent the evening, much like everyone else I’ve ever known, watching the Season 3 premiere. Here are just a few of my thoughts and feelings as I experienced it in real time.
• Kid: Mom, I’m hungry. Me: OMG! GET YOUR FATHER! OUTLANDER IS COMING ON AND I CANNOT FEED YOU!
• Okay, slightly altered lyrics to the opening song. I can dig it.
• Whoa. That’s a lot of bodies. I’m assuming by their lack of movement they’re probably dead bodies.
• Don’t stab him, don’t stab him…
• AH! They stabbed the guy! At least it’s not JAMMF
• My drink is getting low and it’s only 8 minutes in.
• Flashback? No flashback? Flashback?
• Seriously, does Jaime ever straighten his shirt? It’s always hanging off his shoulders like he’s starring in Flashdance. I’m not complaining because it gives me a view of his pecks, but still…
• Another one of my children is speaking to me. Just going to keep watching, pretend I didn’t hear. Just keep watching, just keep watching…
• Grass, a seriously underestimated weapon.
• Don’t kill Murtagh! Please, I know I’ve read the books, but I’m asking for a bit of theatrical leeway here.
• I’ve just never understood running straight into a bayonet. It happens in a lot of movies and all I can think is why they didn’t swerve at the last minute, or at the very least stop before they impaled themselves.
• Oh, it’s a bunny. And it’s snowing. This isn’t so bad is it? (Dead bodies litter the ground)
• Someone ate the mushrooms – cue the hallucinations!
• The flashbacks are giving me whiplash.
• How cute. The English couple are mocking American accents. Now I know what I sound like when I read my books out loud.
• Just because you’re pregnant, does not give you an excuse to wear hideous footwear.
• That is some classic nesting right there. She is making a fire and cooking food over it.
• Maybe it’s not nesting and it’s more like PTSD. Now I feel bad.
• WHY DOES MY FAMILY KEEP TALKING LIKE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ON TELEVISION ISN’T HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?
• All those men are asking why the pregnant lady is talking. So cute, the sexism running rampant.
• Claire, you must persist!
• Is Murtagh still alive? If it’s wrong to want to deviate from the novel so badly, then I don’t want to be right.
• I truly appreciate the housecoat. Claire is channeling my grandma to a tee!
• The scenes between husband and wife are so awkward, it’s wonderful.
• He called tea bags a paper diaper! BAHAHAHAHA!
• Frank is giving me serious Black Jack vibes. I don’t like it.
• So, Claire and Jamie aren’t getting together this episode, are they?
• And everyone’s getting shot. What the…
• Getting emotional. Men getting emotional gets me emotional. I’m too menopausal for this stuff.
• No, Rupert! Don’t go! All my faves, gone. I knew it was coming, but I’m still not prepared emotionally. I need a refill (openly weeping now).
• Is that official stationary with his name on it and everything? I am super impressed. That’s swagger.
• Of course her water broke! Pregnant lady is holding her belly and wearing a coat. What do you think happened?
• It is a good question. Do you shoot men laying down? How does this work when one kills already injured men that are going to die of infection, probably in the next day or so?
• Red Jamie – he’s like a Highland super hero.
• My husband just came with a refill. Yes, please.
• It makes me feel dirty, but I still find dying Jamie sexy as H.
• No death for you! (said in the soup guy’s voice from Seinfeld)
• How are these people not freezing to death? I can’t even walk from my office to my car without a parka and ski cap without fearing frostbite. Here these Highlanders are, happily wearing nothing but a kilt and a strategically unbuttoned shirt.
• BOMB DROP!
• Being sedated against one’s will during childbirth? I requested it, but they made me do it the hard way. (just kidding – that’s totally bad)
• Jamie’s home! Didn’t he hide for years though? It’s been a while since I read this one, someone refresh me?
• The good ol’ days, when the man got to hold the baby first and grace you with its presence. Because you know, men.
• Frank and Claire, together forever. NO!!!!!
• Wow. Way to poop on the mood, nurse lady. Asking about the ginger to the two brunette parents.
• So, these are credits. Jamie and Claire not together. I’m not happy.
• MORE COMMERICALS! It’s over. It’s really over!

Follow Jessica Jefferson:

Jessica Jefferson makes her home in Almost-Chicago with her husband, nine and three year old girls, guinea pigs, and English bulldog Pete. When she’s not busy trying to find middle-ground between being a modern career woman and Suzy-Homemaker, she loves to watch “Real Housewives of [insert city here]” and performing unnecessary improvements to her home and property.

Jessica writes Regency-era historical romance with a modern twist, infused with humor. She always tries to create endearingly flawed heroes and one of a kind heroines that you’ll want to continue knowing long after you read the last page. Fall in love with romance again…
www.jessicajefferson.com

5 Responses

  1. dholcomb1

    I only ever had the chance to watch the first episode because we had the channel for free. I guess I could borrow the DVDs from the library.

    denise